It's about 8pm 5/8 and dark when finally arrived at the school. The entrance of the walled compound resemples old chinese temples with ornate gates and security guards either side of it..we can see the big, artificial green lake that occupies centre stage and various chinese bungalows all around it whilst at the bottom there is a big 2 storey building where most of the students stay. So far so good, the car make the round of the lake and stops in front of a bigger bungalow to unload our suitcases. Outside all chinese themed and then doors open! Oblong big room with 2 steel framed beds, a desk, a chair and a bookcase which will be our wardrobe for the next almost 2weeks. A naked bulb hanging from the middle of the ceiling, the dirtiest concrete tiles you've ever seen for floor, black with dirt windows covered by some tatty, flimsy yellow curtains and corogated iron beams all around. We are stunned but manage to put a smile on our faces and say we'll fix it. Of course our hosts point at the immense luxury of the aircondition over one of the beds with all the electrics also hanging naked through the wall to the electric socket. Cobwebs everywhere and the glass double door entrance with only dirt to obscure view inside our place.
The hosts push us to leave our things and have dinner. I need to pee so I insist we are shown the toilets which I knew they were going to be communal. With panick rising we walk a good 50-60m to the main building where the toilets and showers. OMG, OMG, OMG! I was not prepared for N.Korean army standard of facilities! The women's toilets were right next to the men, both disgusting with suspicious looking wet floors all over and no lights! Oh you have to clap your hands for the lights to come on says translator Nelly cheerfully. So clapping my hands I try to go about my business when I spot total absence of paper. I zip up and run outside again. By now we are joined by second translator, Joy (master 1ei's wife) who helpfully offers: oh you need to bring your own toilet paper! At this point I finally exploded in front of few gathered students as well..THEODORE WE ARE LEAVING THIS SHIT-HOLE NOW! Get me a taxi I want to go! Theodore looks alarmed and embarrassed. By now I have quite an audience: I have called you and emailed dozen times - at no point did you say bring your own bedsheets, towels and above all paper! So f++++ charge me, we just arrived after 24hr trip and you expect me to have toilet paper in my luggage ?!?! One of them scarpered to get me some paper. I still had to balance, not touching over the filthy toilet, clapping my hands every 30sec to keep the light on whilst holding the toilet roll in my mouth. As soon the immedite problem of relieving my bladder was addressed and substantially calmer I emerged from the toilets to a small welcoming committee of students sent to placate me. "You know the place is very substandard re hygiene but we are all here for the Kung-Fu and that is magical. The best there is said Peter who has been at the school for 1.5yrs.. Let's eat you'll feel better afterward.. Food is served in 3 glass pagodas next to the lake. Five-six dishes served with rice and is always good and varied the students said. After regaling us with more stories and meeting couple more students who have been here for several weeks and they all like it and do not want to leave, Theodore stated : Mum I want to do this and that was the end of my hissing fit. I did the paperwork at the office, paid $1,200 and retired to the hovel that was going to be our room during our stay.
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